How to Be a Better Lover
How to Be a Better Lover | by Relationship & Dating Advice for Men
First off, learning how to be a better lover is easy.
It’s always amazing sex!
I’ve always been fascinated with relationships and how humans find authenticity. Especially after processing my childhood trauma (my parent's divorce), my father’s rampant cheating, and my mom’s rebound propensity for golf-lawyer-boyfriends named Ricky (whom I called Ricky-Ticky-Tavvy at family dinners).
But I regress.
How to be a better lover starts with…
Dialogue: F*ck couples therapy. Dialogue is couples therapy.
You are okay. You are whole, even bruised, damaged, and scared. We have everything we need to be here and now. All the psychology in the world doesn’t help us be present in our acceptance of now.
I’ll define dialogue (this is how I view it) as the open therapeutic place between humans, partners, or friends that decide for a moment there is no right or wrong. It’s where we can speak and listen and be free to express our feelings without judgment.
As the poet Rumi purveyed, let’s sit in a field and talk together, with no wrongdoing nor right doing.
If you want to be poly and truly feel that’s you, talk about it. If you want to have better sex, talk about what that means. If you want to enjoy more time together, what does that look like? If you want to quit your job and travel in a van, why?
We find our authenticity in the space where we truly listen and when we speak freely to our partners. This is how we cultivate being a better lover.
I think this dialogue concept is simple yet effective. Just talk more. Laugh more. Take nothing personally when you hear something that surprises you.
Humor is the glue that makes dialogue work.